Or, you could just lose weight, fatty.

For people who have trouble with touchscreens or have really fat fingers, we now can say: we have the technology.

Watch a demonstration here of see-through touchscreens with buttons on the back.

(Medical) License to Kill

Everyone has a right to bear arms, but what about the elderly and disabled who might have trouble with a normal firearm?

Never fear! The Palm Pistol is here! All you need is... a prescription?
Indeed, the FDA has classified this GUN as a MEDICAL DEVICE.

This page has some cool pictures.

Beer: It does a body good.

A group of students at Rice University are working on incorporating resveratrol (the component of red wine that gives it its heart healthy qualities) into beer. The chemical is odorless and tasteless, thus not affecting the beverage's taste. They hope to create a beer that mimics wine's anti-aging, heart disease fighting, cancer prevention qualities.

Read the article here.

NBA Fantasy Draft

I am pretty pleased with how my NBA Fantasy Draft turned out today. I took a few risks with some rookies but I think overall my roster is decent. Here it is:

Guards:
-Baron Davis, LA Clippers
-Rajon Rondo, Boston Celtics
-O.J. Mayo, Memphis Grizzlies
-Derrick Rose, Chicago Bulls

Forwards:
-Kevin Garnett, Boston Celtics
-Corey Maggette, Golden State Warriors
-Ron Artest, Houston Rockets
-Kevin Love, Minnesota Timberwolves

Center:
-Zydrunas Ilgauskas, Cleveland Cavaliers

G-F-C:
-Jordan Farmar, LA Lakers

Reserves:
-Delonte West, Cleveland Cavaliers
-Joe Alexander, Milwaukee Bucks
-Anotonio McDyess, Detroit Pistons

Debate 1- Testicular Fortitude

I'm a little late on this but I just watched the first Obama-McCain debate tonight and I was gonna comment on how Jim Lehrer (sp?) encouraged them to engage each other and McCain didn't even look at Obama. Then I read this week's Newsweek (also behind the times) and come to find out that McCain's advisers urged him not to look at Obama for fear that it might "unnerve him" (McCain). Seriously, this is a nationally televised presidentail debate. Grow some balls?

My Reading List Just Got a Hell of A Lot Bigger

Hooray! Google is reportedly undertaking a massive project to digitize (with search capability... duh, its Google) MILLIONS of old newspaper headlines, articles, and photographs.

The project will begin in the News Archive section of Google (and by using the timeline feature in Google News) but will eventually be integrated into Google.com's main site.

Read CNet's report or at the GoogleBlog itself.

This really tickled me.

OK, so I was on Rolling Stone's website reading about the new Metallica album and checking out the track listing when I noticed this somewhat witty comment:

Lars Ulrich | 9/5/2008, 10:59 pm EST

Lars here. I’m sure you’ll be able to download the whole album for free from one of those awesome peer-to-peer programs. Go ahead, I don’t mind one bit.

As you know Lars (w/ Dr. Dre) was pretty much solely responsible for the demise of Napster.

Good help is so hard to find these days...

When I logged into MySpace earlier this evening, this message was displayed at the top of the home page:

The Department of Homeland Security has asked MySpace to help distribute information about Hurricane Gustav. Try these links:
How to Get Help, Finding Friends & Family, Health & Safety, Donate & Volunteer, En Espanol, What Government is Doing.

"The Department of Homeland Security has asked MySpace to help..."
Dire fucking straits, indeed.

Assistant Regional Frag Manager

I strongly advocate corporate gaming's use in team building and leadership exercises.

This is mostly likely bullshit, but...

... apparently Stephen Colbert significantly affects campaign contributions (to Democrats, at least). Here's the story.

Democratic politicians receive a 40% increase in contributions in the 30 days after appearing on the comedy cable show The Colbert Report. In contrast, their Republican counterparts essentially gain nothing.

A new way to bro it up.

JV Games will be releasing a Nintendo Wii game entitled "Pong Toss" sometime in the near future. It is basically beer pong in a video game, but the virtual cups are filled with water for obvious reasons. Still, a new and exciting approach to America's favorite pastime.

Return of the Blog

I've spent the last month away from a computer and it has been agony. I am glad to be back.

I don't think I posted about this when the news originally came out but there are new developments. As you may or may not know, Ron Paul decided to hold an alternate convention at the same time as the GOP's, in the other Twin City.

Speakers include: (drum-roll) the-name-says-it-all Barry Goldwater, Jr., legalization-advocate-and-former-New-Mexico-governor Gary Johnson, former bow-tie-wearer Tucker Carlson, and..... former-pro-wrestler/Minnesota-governor Jesse Ventura.

And tickets are going for........ 17.76

Euro 2008 Update

Here's how I did with my Euro 2008 fantasy team.

Total Points: 226
Overall Rank: 2,324 /77,051
USA-Region: 415 /13,218
Dutch Fans: 247 /7,161

Pretty damn good if I do say so myself.

Wikileaks is just that sweet.

Here is the title: Foreign Internal Defense Tactics Techniques and Procedures for Special Forces

Here is the link.

Here is the Slashdot description:

The document, which has been verified, is official US Special Forces doctrine. It directly advocates training paramilitaries, pervasive surveillance, censorship, press control and restrictions on labor unions & political parties. It directly advocates warrantless searches, detainment without charge and the suspension of habeas corpus. It directly advocates bribery, employing terrorists, false flag operations and concealing human rights abuses from journalists. And it directly advocates the extensive use of 'psychological operations' (propaganda) to make these and other 'population & resource control' measures more palatable.

I will definitely be sitting down to read ALL of this at some point in the near future.

CentSports.com

On another betting note...

Wayne Allyn Root (aka W.A.R.), myself, and I'm sure quite a few others of our political persuasion weren't happy a few years ago when online gambling prosecution suddenly, well, began occurring. Never fear. Online (low-stakes at least) betting is possible due to some innovative methods. A few days ago a friend introduced me to CentSports.com. I could take the time to explain how it works but Forbes does it better.

All I'm going to say about is the following:
-It's free (they start you out with a dime and you have to work your way up) but you can you still earn significant money doing it.
-You can bet on a huge number of sports including MLB, NBA, WNBA, NFL, MMA, International, US, Mexican, and Argentinian soccer, etc.
-By clicking one ad you can significantly increase your payout.
- You can bet on spreads, moneylines, or total points.

Unfortunately, I've lost every bet I've made so far (but disclaimer: that includes the Lakers losing last night and Croatia beating Germany).

Prediction Markets, Electoral Maps

I was fooling around on Wikipedia and discovered the Intrade Prediction Market. This idea is so cool, it blew my mind. I had assumed stuff like this existed but never realized how detailed it was. For instance, you can buy or sell the event "The US or Israelis will launch an overt air strike against Iran." This reminds me of that CSI:Miami episode that discusses death pools, where bettors wager on which celebrity will die next (which as I understand it, really do exist legally outside the US).

Anyway, apparently some folks used Intrade's data to predict the General Election's outcome state-by-state and came up with the following electoral map.

I'll let them describe it for me:

The electoral map below is a forecast for the 2008 U.S. Presidential Election in which the presumptive nominees are Republican John McCain and Democrat Barack Obama. The electoral vote value for each state is shown, and the states are shaded according to the probability of a win.
The data for this map come from the Intrade prediction market where there are real-money contracts for each individual state based on how it will award its 2008 electoral votes. Traders who predict the outcome correctly are rewarded with the money of those who don't. For more information visit Intrade.com. This map is updated at least weekly.

LP Shiz

On June 4, 2008, Bob Barr invited the Republican Party's presumptive presidential nominee, John McCain, and the Democratic Party's presumptive presidential nominee, Barack Obama, to weekly presidential debates through an official press release.
-Wikipedia

PS. Hey Blogger, it is about time to update your spell checker to recognize two words: Barack and Obama.

Sandra Day O'Connor is making a video game.

Oh. God. I can't even write about this.
Just read the article.

Stupid. Wasteful.

The product called Flexplay has actually been around for 5 years or so but it is just now getting noticed due to its distribution deal with Staples. Flexplay DVDs are one-use 5 dollar DVDs that are rendered unplayable 48 hours after opening the product by use of some special adhesive on the disc that reacts with oxygen.

See title of post. This is one of the stupidest things I have EVER heard of.
1. Stop repeating history when it comes to doomed technologies. Functionally this tech is very similar to Divx (player not codec) and that failed miserably.
2. This is an incredible waste of resources.
3. Five dollars to buy a disc you can watch once?
4. The target audience (people who dont want to pay the money to buy a real DVD or are too lazy to go to the store or return a rental to the store) ALREADY HAVE NETFLIX.

80% of the stuff I post about is directly stolen from Slashdot.

In a fairly bold (and quite possibly stupid) move, the Sci-Fi Channel has announced plans to use missions and campaigns of players in their own developed MMO to shape and guide a new 'ongoing' television show. They hope to have the project up and ready to air by 2010, as they work with game developer Trion World Network to create 'the ultimate merging of the TV and gaming mediums.'

Dave Howe, CEO of the Sci-Fi Channel commented:

"A television show that is on once a week isn't enough. The fans today want the experience to go beyond that. For example, we can tell them that there will be an alien invasion at a certain place in the game, at a certain time, and to be there with all their friends and be ready. The outcome depends on them. And then that battle will be part of the universe in the show."

Originally, Sci-Fi had planned a similar project for Battlestar Gallactica, but instead decided to start fresh so they would be allowed to create a world in which the players decide who the heroes and villains are.

The only other real crossover of computer game and television show came last year when CSI used Second Life to create a virtual experience where players wandered around looking for clues that corresponded to the episode.

This project is unique in that the players are actually shaping the world, instead of reacting to the events of the show. The show's creators will also be able to get instant input on how viewers feel about the direction the plot is taking them and adjust accordingly, even launching expansions and new areas based on stops players visit in the game.

Little is known about the world being created for the crossover; it will take place about 100 years in the future on a very unfamiliar Earth. Sci-Fi plans on revealing more about the project later this year at the San Diego Comic-Con.

-Slashdot / Snagwiremedia.com

Exploit Big Brother!

Much consternation has been expressed by UK residents over the use of Closed Circuit Televisions all over the country for general surveillance and watching. I recently came across a novel way of using these intrusive devices for personal benefit.

Unsigned and broke British band The Get Out Clause performed in front of 80 such cameras across Manchester, England. Then they asked for the videos under the Freedom of Information Act (and got 20 back). Voila, plenty of free footage for a music video.

Genius.

Domino's part Three, Concluding the Trilogy.

This is about 26 hours after the fact, but after 2 years, 3 months, and 27 days, I no longer am employed at Domino's Pizza. P-Unit lives on.

Euro 2008 Fantasy Team

Goalkeeper - Jens Lehmann - Germany
Defender - Zdenek Grygera - Czech Republic
Defender - Gianluca Zambrotta - Italy
Defender - William Gallas - France
Defender - Fabio Cannavaro - Italy
Midfielder - Arjen Robben - Netherlands
Midfielder - Cesc Fabregas - Spain
Midfielder - Claude Makelele - France
Midfielder - Xabi Alonso - Spain
Striker - Miroslav Klose - Germany
Striker - Fernando Torres - Spain


Bench:
Goalkeeper - Johan Wiland - Sweden
Defender - Joachim Standfest - Austria
Midfielder - Hakan Yakin - Switzerland
Striker - Ryan Babel - Netherlands

Lawyers, lawyers everywhere.

I did not know this existed. The concept is pretty nifty. A law student at U.Miss. graduated with a degree in SPACE LAW.

Unholy matrimony

I'm feeling too lazy to summarize or comment much on the article I want to post, but here are some quickies:

1. The statistic for number of moms who have cheated on their husbands is ridiculously high. And I want in on some-a that.
2. "Low desire in men is America's best-kept secret."
3. "As the Hook-Up Generation grows up and gets married, chances are affairs may even go mainstream."

This isn't highest Robert Downey, Jr. has ever flown.

If you are a fan of Marvel comics and are planning on watching Iron Man, make sure to watch the bonus scene at the end of the credits.

Took you long enough.

This amused me. I just walked by two (very) elderly women, one saying to the other "I'm so happy to be divorced!"

Similar to previous post.

The Greatest Thing to Come out of the 21st Century So Far

DoubleYou(x3) Dot Whoa Dot EssYou

The Soviet Union has not existed for 16 years. However, apparently the .su domain name still works. According to Yahoo! Finance, registration of websites ending in .su has risen 45% in 2008 alone. Most of the sites registered are those of die-hard commie bloggers. The flame has yet to be extinguished.

Disclaimer: I am not a communist.

This is what Google advertises now, apparently.

Interesting article.

I highly recommend reading this blog article from the Huffington Post.

Sci Fi News

I am not a fan of this sci-fi series (only because I have not started watching it yet, its on my list), but:

Slashdot reports that a prequel to Battlestar Galactica is in the works!
" The two-hour pilot for the production, called Caprica, is expected to be shot in Vancouver this spring with shooting for the series to follow. The first episodes are expected to air this fall."

More info can be found here.

I have reaffirmed my belief that I am awesome. Just in time.

Well, I was considering deleting this because its boring and I have nothing to say. In the nick of time, something mildly interesting happened.

My roommate and I locked ourselves out of our apartment. We live on the third floor. I proceeded to climb two balconies back into the apartment. In socks. woot. My brother the rock climber would have been proud.

We all thought he would play (#) 4-ever.

Brett Favre and Warren Sapp retire on the same day.

TYSON/HOLYFIELD REMATCH?! Heck yeah. One is in the works.

I'm thinking of running a March Madness Tournament. Contact me if you want in.

Sigh. This is what my life has become.

Random chess shit I have been thinking about:

Playing chess all the time makes my brain think differently.

If I'm clearly gonna win, don't keep sending me draw offers every turn. n00b.

My games with fatanky suggest my midgame is decent but my opening is poor.

It don't take a weatherman to know which way the wind blows.

I find it interesting that certain administrators and students have pointed out the danger of having a group on campus called SDS (the predecessor to the Weather Underground) because of historical connotations, when no one really cares that Obama accepted campaign money from a former WU member, and (Bill) Clinton pardoned a WU member (best thing he did while president?).

I could be wrong though. Maybe someone will make a fuss of this in the weeks to come. Or maybe not, seeing as both candidates have some sort of ties to the WU.

Ugh.

Which is worse: a really bad hangover or a really bad cold with slight fever?

Domino's, part 2

Last Friday was a wretched shift. After some error on my part, some error on the driver's part, and general busy-ness for late night, I had deliveries leaving the store at 45 min. to an hour. I was pretty stressed and pretty pissed. After it was all over, I got this phone call:

*customer calls on private line, he sounds about 10 years old*
Me: Thanks for calling Domino's. This is Jason, how can I help you?
Caller: Yes, I'd like a cheeseburger for delivery, make it quick, no pickle I really want a cheeseburger, you got that? Make me a cheeseburger right now please....etc. (I let him go on for about 5 minutes, obviously a prank call)
Me: *farting sounds into phone*
Caller: What was that?
Me: I just took a shit on your burger, man.
Caller: Aww, that sucks.
*Click*

It was fun. Usually I just hang up. I'm going to starting messing with the prank callers more often.

Super Bowl XLII

I. This was the third Super Bowl in a row I've had to work. As always, it was hectic. Actually that's an understatement. However, this was the first time I was able to Tivo the game, so I had something to look forward to after my shift. I managed to avoid hearing any news about the game, so I got to watch it without knowing what happened. I just finished. I've gotta say, that was some beautiful football. Amazing fourth quarter. My favorite play was in the 4th with one minute left and it looked like Eli was gonna get sacked but somehow he broke out and threw a 30-some yard completion.

II. My favorite Super Bowl commercials, ranked.

1. E-Trade #1 - baby buys stock, burps
2. E-Trade #2 - baby rents clown using profit from his portfolio
3. Coca-Cola - Congressmen Bill Frist and James Carville share a Coke and become friends
4. Sobe Life Water - a group of lizards do the Thriller dance
5. Amp Energy Drink -I don't even know how to explain this. It involves electricity and nipples.

Honorable Mentions - Hyundai Genesis, 50th Daytona 500, NFL's "SuperAd"

Soulja Boy Tell 'Em has invaded all aspects of our culture.

Speaking of people who have weird musical tastes for their age (see previous post)-

I was shopping in Bloom last week at 11 PM. It was basically empty, except for one other family. A little girl who couldn't have been more than 7 was running around screaming "I just got my report card, all F's, I took it to my teacher told her to throw some D's on it."

Domino's, part 1 of many to come I'm sure

I. I have now been employed by Domino's Pizza for 2 full years.

II. Yesterday, I was the only one in the store when a middle-aged couple came in. They had some gray hairs and wore leather jackets. They were early and had to wait a few minutes before their pizzas were ready. I kept busy by making more pizzas and singing along to the CD I had playing, Diamond Days by Eric Bibb. Out of the corner of my eye I notice them dancing along to it. I glance over and notice them fully lip-locked. They continue to make out for like 5 minutes. Later, I start talking to them.

Woman: I'm taking this young gent over here to his first Norva show tonight.
Me: Who are you seeing?
Woman: This guy called Blaze Ya Dead Homie. The music is a cross between Ozzy and ICP.

Old people are nuts. I respect anyone who can throw down with the youngsters.

Stop harassing me.

I play chess online through the website Gameknot. Once a week I get the following e-mail:

Notice from GameKnot: It appears you are blocking some or all of the advertising on GameKnot (banner ads, pop-ups, etc.). As you probably know, the free accounts on GameKnot are supported by paid ads -- in other words, the advertisers are paying for the server resources and bandwidth used by your account, for the programmers who add new features and improvements, for the support staff, etc. etc.. Since you have blocked ads on your computer, there is no one left to pay for your account, so unfortunately we will not be able to continue to provide you with the free services any longer. Please subscribe to a premium membership, or allow all ads to be shown on our website. Thank you for your understanding.

If I am blocking anything, it is not a conscious effort. I do use Firefox, so they could be blocking some stuff. However, I've added gameknot.com to my allowed sites for pop-ups. Yet, I still receive these messages on a regular basis. Not to mention, I do see the ads on the site. For instance, one ad informs me that if my site links to GameKnot, I could receive a premium membership for free! Wait, I just linked to Gameknot above. So give me a free membership and stop sending me stupid e-mails.

PS. If you are also on Gameknot, my handle is JabYerWocky. Challenge me to a game.

These are a few of my favorite things, part 1

Turn your keyboard upside down and bang it against the table. See how much dirt, dust, food particles, etc. falls out. This always leaves me extremely satisfied.

Microsoft has a comic?!

Microsoft, of all people*, has debuted a new superhero comic. It is called Heroes Happen Here. The superheroes? IT professionals, of course. Interestingly, it is written by Jordan Gorfinkel, a DC comics editor whose fame in the comics world stems from his revitalization of the Batman series in the 1990's. The comic began this past Monday and will run until June 28th. One recurring character is Lord Firewall, who "stands between chaos and order." Readers are encouraged to submit their own IT experiences, which may be worked into a story arc for the strip.

I'm not too enthusiastic about this comic, but we'll see. For one, there will certainly be a pro-Microsoft bias, eliminating 99% of user-submitted stories. Also, in order to view the comic's archives, one has to download Microsoft Silverlight. Another example of Microsoft making things harder than necessary.


*Microsoft is obviously not a person or a people. More like an evil. It just didn't sound right any other way.

One is the loneliest number.

The first post of any blog is always boring, so I give you explicit permission to skip it if you wish.

Why have I created a blog? Two reasons: YOUR benefit and MY benefit.

Let's start with you. You, i.e. all of the conscious world that is not me, have much to gain from my thoughts and insights. You will leave this website wiser than you were before. I'll let you decide whether that is a promise or a lie.

Now, me. Frankly, I'm scared of you. I don't want to see you, talk to you, or any way interact with you in a normal fashion. So let's communicate through this filter. I tend to do this anyway, but there is only so much I can do through Facebook.

I have more reasons. I don't feel like going into them.